This is real

Driving at night is therapeutic. I can keep driving forever, like nothing else matters and the world gets still for just a moment. World, did you ever ask yourself as a kid where you would be when you turned 20? Gosh, I would do it all the time. Wonder, guess, it would trouble me so much. See, I have always been a planner. Always needed some form of plan to function, always organized; I have always had a system. Knowing the future is one of the things that I struggled with not knowing because I need to know what is ahead. But of course, I am only human, with no super powers and alas, knowing the future is not one of my skills.

Now that I am 20, I look back at my life and I am filled with sorrow and happiness. How ugly and yet, how beautiful. What is this life?

I entered a room
Met with unknown faces
And I saw the distance,
The place where I'll be.

O but what a great distance!
O but what a great feat!

"O the places you'll go!"
But I don't yet know
Those places
To go.

What will I find?
O tell me
Where will I be?
Who will I be?

There is no such thing.

I love writing. It makes me feel like those drives. Where has my pen and paper been all my life? This is truly amazing, this rush, this excitement. World, I will go to Japan. Nothing can stop me. I am going. And maybe, just maybe, that part of me that wondered where I will be at this age, will smile, knowing that this is a lot more than what we hoped for.